2009 > 2008

Well, let’s hope so anyways.

How did you ring in the new year?  I spent it, not exactly as I had planned as my best friends weren’t able to be there, but I still got to spend the new year with the person that means the most to me (don’t worry, I won’t be getting all mushy on you here).  It was a very low-key NYE, exactly what I had wanted, filled with video games, Red Label scotch, and blueberry Stoli.

I know the January 1 blog post should consist of a list of resolutions which will never be accomplished and leave you feeling rather pathetic when you look back a year later and realize you’re unable to check anything off.  I did not play guitar more, I did not start going to the gym, and I did not learn to cook.  However, 2008 has still been the best year of my life so far.  Despite many ups and downs, along with quite a few potential stress-related mental breakdowns, I have come a long way in the past year.  I can’t remember the last time I’ve felt this happy and self-assured.  I’m starting to have goals for the future, and I think I know where I want to be headed in the near future.  

So my goal for 2009?  Well, as the title of this post implies, my only goal is to make 2009 even better than 2008 in any and every way possible.

I have a lot to look forward to this coming year.  I’ll be starting a new program, graduating university, looking for a new job come summer, and hopefully learning even more about myself than I did in 2008.

Here’s wishing everyone the best for the coming year!

“Mid-uni crisis”

Everyone knows the mid-life crisis (although the actual existence of it has been refuted quite often) and even the quarter-life crisis.  But what about something that happens a little sooner than that?  What about a mid-university/college/postgrad crisis?  That moment when you panic and realize your degree is worth nothing, your debt is increasing, and the major you thought you’d love back in high school no longer holds the same interest for you anymore.

So what do you do?  You buckle down and get it done.  Some are taking longer than they need, fearful of having to enter the “real world” after graduation.  Some are trying to get it over with as quickly as possible in hopes it’s not too late to find a new path and catch up to the lucky few who have jobs lined up before they even graduate.

People are starting to pack up, move on, and hopefully move up.  The amount of “I’m going to miss you” messages are starting to rack up on Facebook as people are transferring to other countries or just dropping out entirely.  Sometimes it makes you wonder:  Are they onto something that I’m not?

Sometimes I tell myself, “What’s the rush?  We’re still so young” but then I find myself caught up in the need to succeed faster, younger, better.  To rake in the dough, to be successful while you’re still in your early 20s.

And yes, I’ve been going through a bit of this crisis myself.  I’ve recently decided to switch career aspirations, and now I’m one of those people frantically trying to catch up.  I’ve been confused about it for a long time, but I’m slowly starting to figure things out  Of course, who knows what wrench (or kitchen sink) will be thrown in before I get to that point.  But I feel reinvigorated knowing I have some clue about what I want to work towards (and that I won’t be a hobo for the rest of my life like my boyfriend insists I’ll end up being with my Psychology degree).

I’ve been feeling much like I did near the end of high school-the closer I get the more desperate I am to finish.  Especially since I realize how useless my BA will be, I hate feeling like I’m wasting my time because I really need that piece of paper.  I feel very restless to move on to the next thing ahead of me.

My head has been a mess lately trying to figure out which program will be best for me after I finish my BA-but I went to an info session at one of the local schools I’ve been considering and that cleared everything up for me.  I guess my advice is to not think about it all so much-in the end it all comes to you.  My mind was a mess before I went to that info session, but I left feeling really clear about what I want.  Now I can’t wait to finish up my BA and start something now.

Generation “Indifferent”

Officially, I was born in Generation Y, the MTV Generation…the last group of kids who remember life before there was a computer in every household and the internet really came into mass existence.  But how does this really describe the way of life my generation has become accustomed to?  Sure, we’re the first generation to spend most of our lives with the luxuries of modern technology (and without the luxury of stable lifetime jobs like our parents…and stable marriages).  I still remember when my dad first got a laptop from work (although, comparing it to my current Macbook, that thing was more like a “lapdictionary” than anything), playing Solitaire on Windows 3.1.  Yes, technology has shaped our generation tremendously, but has it DEFINED us?

Perhaps.  Many argue that we are becoming increasingly disengaged from the “real world”, spending most of our time interacting with a machine-or interacting with people THROUGH a machine.  It’s a good point.  However, I think there are much more obvious changes between our generation and our parents,the Boomers.

Indifference.  Even when something is amazing, we aren’t AFFECTED by it anymore.  With so much information at our fingertips, nothing is really new to us.  I remember my mom spending hours on our Alaskan cruise gasping in amazement at the glaciers.  Me?  I spent ten minutes outside and then announced I was going to get a coffee.

Maybe we’re the ADD generation?  Not able to keep our attention focused any one stimuli long enough to get the kind of deep-bodied amazement our parents might feel.  I study hard for an exam, but as soon as it’s written and I leave the building I’m off thinking about something else.  I get a terrible/amazing grade, and I’ll toss it aside.

Now that I stop to think about it, maybe it isn’t indifference after all-just BUSYNESS.  Our lives are full of so many different commitments, that as soon as one is done, we don’t have time to revel in it.  We’re already off thinking about the next thing we need to get done.  Our indifference is a crutch, a shield to get us through everything.  Our relationships and marriages are much more likely to fail, our job security is practically null, declining birth rates means there may not be money for pensions when we grow old, and we’re required to be much more geographically mobile-there’s no getting attached to anything because who knows how long we’ll be in one place for.  If we had to really stop and think about how we FEEL about all this, we would be going completely apeshit!  So instead, we set up these walls of indifference to help us get through everything without a mental breakdown (although a drink or two always helps).

With many of my friends about to start out into the work world, some starting new lives as married couples-I wonder what kind of futures we have in store for us.

Turning 20

That’s right everyone, today I officially began a new decade of my life.

And how did I celebrate the momentous occasion?  Classes, opening 50 job applicant packages at work, dill cream pasta (with salmon-my favorite), studying, and puff pastry cake, followed by more and more studying.  I’ve quickly realized my birthday falls in one of the most dreaded of times for university students-just my luck.  But I’ll just have to suck it up and put off gratification until the weekend (as well as drink to forget everything I’ve tried to cram inside my head the past couple of days).

I always find that my birthdays make me “re-appreciate” my friends and family.  I almost cried when I opened a card from my Zaidi (grandpa) that said “It’s been so good living with you since you were born.”  Something so simple, but I know it came from the heart.  I know that I’m loved by a lot of people-and that’s always pushed me to do well and try to achieve my best.  Although my group of friends has narrowed and shifted the past few years, I feel closer than ever to the ones that are still in my life.

I did manage to take some time for myself this evening.  After dinner I sat down with my parents and talked about how quickly the past couple of years have gone.  When I think about the “me” from 7 years ago-back when I started high school-that me seems light years away from the “me” I envision myself to be now.  But then, when I think of it in terms of time it seems like it was just yesterday.  This past year of my life especially has been my best yet, no doubt, so I definitely have a lot to live up to for this coming year.  This time 2009 I’ll be finishing up my degree, and although I have an idea of what I’d like to do who knows where I’ll end up in the end.

I know that in a few years, looking back I’ll long to be back in my teen years (well, at least to be 19 again-because we all know being younger is no fun-legally, anyways!) but for now, I’m really looking forward to my Twenties.  I’m expecting big things out of one of the most important/life-altering decades of my life.  Who knows where I’ll be or what I’ll be doing-all I know is that I’m going to make sure I enjoy every moment of it.

What’s your passion?

[October 6th, 2008]  When you ask this question to most people, you see their eyes light up as they begin to ramble on about their family, the marathon they’re training for, the new song they just mastered on guitar.

A few people have pointed this out to me, asking me to list what I’m passionate about…..and it’s really difficult when I don’t know what to say to them.  I’m so busy thinking about the next thing I need to do that I don’t take the time to stop and take my time with things I really LOVE doing.  I used to love playing guitar and taking photos-and both my camera and guitar have been sitting collecting dust for months.  Of course it’s as simple as just going and DOING it-but I always feel like there’s something holding me back and I don’t know what it is.  I always used to make excuses about it, like that I’m lazy or I don’t have time when I’m in school.  But I’m starting to wonder…is that really it?

[October 12, 2008] I started writing this post about my passions a week ago.  Since then, I’ve been thinking a lot about the things that I get excited about, the things that I love to discuss with others.  Next summer I’m going to try getting involved volunteering in the downtown eastside.  I worked at a women’s shelter right near Oppenheimer park for a couple of weeks back in high school, and I absolutely loved it.  It gave me a completely different perspective of the people living in that area-these women were kind and friendly and willing to tell me their stories-especially how they’ve realized the damage they’ve done to themselves and their struggles to get out of the vicious cycles they’ve lived in for so long.  I know during the school year there’s no time for volunteering, but I definitely want to try being involved again when I get a chance.  I love being around people, and I love helping people-and I definitely need to get back into doing that.

That’s one aspect for now-I’ve been thinking a lot about my hobbies in general-mainly guitar and photography-and I REALLY need to start making time for those.  Whenever I play the guitar, I feel so refreshed and relaxed afterwards, and the pride I get after mastering a song is like nothing else.  Photography is the same-I’ve always found standing in the dark room with my headphones in, dancing away while I shake trays of chemicals back and forth to be so soothing and enjoyable.  I love seeing the photos I took come alive on the paper in front of me.  I’m so rusty now though, I think I’ll try to find a class I can take to help teach me the basics again.  Any suggestions of good art/photo classes in Vancouver?

Unfortunately, it always comes down to a case of never having enough time to fit everything in.  Life always seems to be so hectic, and when I finally have time for these things all I want to do is sit and veg out in front of the TV.  But then I look back on one of the first posts I made on this blog, about finding time for the little things, and I realize I’m not following my own advice whatsoever!  What kind of blogger am I if I don’t practice what I preach?  It’s definitely time to start doing things for myself again-and I encourage you all to do the same!

The Value of Family

How much do you value your family?  Or, rather, how much value do you believe your family is worth?  Each of these means an entirely different thing depending on where you set your priorities in life.  I’ve been raised to always place family up on the highest pedestal possible.  I was told that family will be there for you no matter what, they will never abandon you, and most importantly, they will always love you.

Okay, so with the rise of divorce and the many, MANY dysfunctional families that exist nowadays, this isn’t exactly true-although it’s still something that we should all strive for: to have good relationships with those close to us.

Yesterday, my grandpa’s younger brother stopped by for a visit since he was in town for a few days.  There’s been a lot of conflict surrounding him the past few years.  He owned a very profitable business with my uncle, who sadly passed away a few years ago.  Of course, my aunt was entitled to half the business and its value-but he didn’t want to give her a dime (I should mention, he owns a couple of hotels and is already loaded).  We were all completely floored by this blatant disregard of family and total lack of compassion.  To this day, nobody knows why he fought so hard to leave my aunt with nothing.

But why do some people put money before family?  Of course, we all strive to do well financially to provide for ourselves and for our families-or so we’ve been lead to believe.  But what causes people to begin putting their own financial gains ahead of everything else in their lives?

I’ve always been taught to work hard and strive to make something of myself.  Not just for financial sake, but for my own personal gains.  But at the same time, family is always supposed to be #1.  Any sacrifice that needs to be made for your family shouldn’t be questioned for even a second.  Because when you put all of your focus into making money, one day you’ll stop and look around only to realize all the people you’ve had in your life have walked away.  And those that are still around?  They’re probably just hoping for a piece of your fortune when you finally kick the bucket.

I’m not saying work isn’t important-it is.  And it IS possible to work hard, be affluent, and still have very good family relationships.  But it seems that the more money you make, the less likely this becomes.  Everyone should work hard in a profession that they (hopefully) enjoy.  But maybe, the next time you think about staying late or traveling for work for the 10th time in a couple of months-stop.  Can the world go on without you staying that extra couple of hours this one day?  Probably.  Will your family appreciate having you home at the dinner table?  Most definitely.

Dinner with the bosses

As soon as I had told my bosses (a couple owns the place I work at) that I would be leaving my current job at the end of the month, they said they wanted to take me out to dinner since I’d been with them for so long.  We met up at the brand new Cactus Club at Burrard and Dunsmuir-they’ve obviously poured a lot of money into that place.  My (male) boss was there on time, but his girlfriend was running really late so we hung outside and chatted.  While we were waiting, this woman walked by wearing a see through blouse and no bra…..we both looked at each other in shock and burst out laughing.

Lately there’s been a lot of drama going on at work.  A LOT.  Of course I hear all about it because I’m close with all the girls, but I’ve chosen not to get involved because I find a lot of it ridiculous to be completely honest.  That and I don’t want to have to choose sides.  They asked me feedback on a lot of things that they’re planning on doing to help ease all the conflict-it felt good to have my opinion and my ideas valued.

The only thing that I got aggravated about was when they pushed me to start “ranking” my coworkers after we’d all had a couple of drinks (really, it takes more than that to loosen my lips).   I don’t like being asked to judge others, especially people I consider my friends.  This is part of the reason why I’ve decided to leave-I always feel stuck in the middle.  My coworkers tell me things in confidence, and then my bosses grill me to know what issues are going on in their workplace.  It’s hard trying to maintain my loyalties on both sides-and I find that I often have to leave things out or fudge details so I don’t harm the trust I have with both my coworkers and my bosses.

Other than that, though, the night was pretty lighthearted.  They told me how much I would be missed; and I explained to them that I love them and my coworkers, but that it’s time for me to go.  There’s nothing for me at the job-they’ve been great about giving me more things to do, but they quickly ran out of ideas and I spend most of my time sitting around doing nothing.  They told me that they don’t want me to work for them forever-they want to see me go and do more with myself, to realize my potential.

My bosses have been so encouraging and supportive of me-they WANT to see me do more with myself than just answer phones all day.  I’m so lucky to have all these people in my life who SEE the potential in me and are so eager to see me do well for myself.  It’s so encouraging to know I have so many people rooting for me and who believe that I have a lot of promise ahead of me.

Although I don’t really know exactly what I’m heading towards, I know I have a lot of people pushing me forward and helping me fulfill my potential.

Transit cooties

A few days ago my boyfriend asked me if I had been on one of the new transit buses and what they were like.  I complained that they had taken out a lot of the seats to allow more room for standing passengers.  He pointed out that this is probably a good thing, seeing as most Vancouverites think so highly of their personal space that the idea of sitting within half a foot of someone else is enough to make them cower at the front in a huge group.

Why is it that we’re so paranoid about personal space?  After traveling through the UK/Japan and living in Hong Kong for two months, I quickly learned to give up all notions of personal space.  As long as nobody tries to cop a feel while you’re smushed together like sardines in a can, you’re good.  People get on, tune out everything around them, and just accept the fact that: yes, it’s very uncomfortable but no, they don’t have a choice about it if they plan on commuting.

Alright, so there’s the whole notion of personal space.  Back in kindergarten we’re taught that everyone has an invisible bubble around them and that you’re not allowed inside that unless the other person says OK.  But come on, I’d like to think we’ve matured past the time of sand boxes and nap time here.  Spend a week in Hong Kong trying to politely nudge your way into the train and avoid touching anyone else inside, and you’ll find it’s impossible.

I think it’s because people think the idea of being that close to someone as very intimate-but I promise as long as you don’t try to grab the ass of that girl you’re pressed up against on the Skytrain your girlfriend isn’t going to kill you.  It’s funny how most Americans/Canadians pride themselves on being more “liberal” than many of their European or Asian counterparts-but in many ways we’re a lot more uptight.  We’re just getting used to urbanization and living in cramped conditions-something that’s existed in cities like Britain, Hong Kong, and Tokyo for hundreds of years already.

I tease my mom for always thinking so practically-but in this case I have to follow her lead.  How practical is it to leave the seat next to you empty while you stand there staring at it for 5 stops?  Yes, you may make the people on either side of you uncomfortable if you plop down beside them-but I bet you’ll feel a lot better when you leave the train/bus after a 30min commute.

Vacations

There’s nothing like a much-needed vacation to let you take a break from the world and refresh yourself for the craziness ahead.  Even when you’re stressed and insanely busy and can’t imagine taking any time away for yourself whatsoever, you’ll quickly realize it may be the best thing for you.

With my Health Psych exam only a few days away, I took off to Tofino for a few days with my boyfriend and a pile of friends.  I had never been anywhere on the island besides Victoria/Nanaimo, so it was a great change of scenery.  Although we didn’t do much besides drink, eat, and lay on the beach-it was exactly what I needed amidst the chaos of the impending end of summer.  Knowing I was hundreds of kilometers away from home, I knew everything else that needed to be done could wait while I took some time for myself.

 

 

I don’t think people make enough time for themselves, especially during those stressful periods in our lives.  Granted, this isn’t an excuse to fuck around on Facebook all night while the word count for your paper due tomorrow morning is currently at zero, but it’s important to take moments to breathe and realign ourselves.  Alright, I realize that sounds like something from yoga class, but bear with me here.  The times that we would benefit the most from a bit of R&R are the times that we’re most likely to take it.  It’s hard to turn your brain off when you’re in high stress mode.  But (as I’ve been learning in Health Psych) high levels of long-term stress can severely effect the immune system and long-term health.  In fact, vacations can lower the risks of heart attack in those at risk (although this only really applies to middle aged men, but you can use it as an excuse to get away at any age!).

You may not need to drive 8hrs and take a ferry ride in order to escape from it all for a while, just as long as you take a moment for yourself.  Go shopping, stop to read a book, go have coffee with friends-anything to let your mind rest and rejuvenate yourself for the tasks at hand.  Obviously, when you have a million things going on it’s hard to just walk away from it guilt-free for a while.  But after taking a break, your energy is recharged and you’ll be working even more productively than if you were struggling to keep from nodding off in front of your laptop for the past 4 hours.

 

 

My vacation allowed me to come back fresh and ready to study for my final.  It also gave me time to think about the coming months and what I want to get accomplished during the rest of 2008.  My first day back at work yesterday, I gave my notice that I’ll be leaving at the end of the month.  Although, like any job, it has had its ups and downs, I know I’ve learned a lot over the past year.  But it’s time for me to move onto something else and broaden my skills set-I’ve learned this job inside out and I’ve been feeling like there isn’t really anywhere else for me to go with it.  I’m one of those people who strives on change and learning new things-I don’t like to remain stagnant for too long (I’d like to think of this as a blessing and a curse).  My boss was very understanding about it and said he thought it would be coming and encouraged me to look for something else (come to think of it, I have him on Facebook and I’ve been whoring my blog posts on there-including ones about my job interview…).  It was very refreshing to know I’ll be leaving on good terms.

Now, speaking of being refreshed, I’ve taken a much needed (and much too long) study break and should be back hitting the books once again.

Rejection

That’s right, I got the call back about the interview I had gone for last week, and I didn’t get it.  I’m pretty bummed about it.  Rejection is never an easy thing to accept, especially when a potential employer gushes about how good you were in your interview and that you were their #2 choice (leading to the so-close-yet-so-far syndrome).  It might sound a little warped, but I’d rather hear a ton of criticism and learn a lot from the experience rather than hear you were great, but not QUITE great enough.

Okay, so my point is not to sound vengeful towards the employer that went with someone else (who, I’m 100% sure had more experience than I, since I have none), and the fact that I came in second with little actual office experience is something to be proud of in its own right.  As my very wise mother (don’t tell her I said that) told me, every interview is a chance to learn something new and get better at.  You learn what to say and how to act appropriately, and how to make yourself even better in the future.  Rejection may suck, but the more interviews you do the better your skills will become.

And really, this is true for many things in life.  If we never screwed up, would we ever learn anything?  Every time something or someone rejects you, it’s an opportunity to reflect upon yourself and try to change it in the future.  It’s the only surefire way to “better” yourself.  Sure, someone can tell us over and over again how we need to change (and trust me, I’ve seen this attempted by many-myself included) but in the end, the only way we’ll change on our own is when it slaps us in the face and we finally notice what everyone else has been trying to tell us.  It gives us a chance to stop and think for a moment: “Why did that happen?  What can I do to keep it from happening again?”.  Whether it be an employer, a friend, a school, or a significant other, being rejected is not something to be angry about.  The key is not to ruminate.  Identify what went wrong, figure out how to change it, and turn it into something positive (I know, I know, easier said than done-but the optimist in me believes it is possible!).  The more you ruminate about the negative turnout, the less confidence you’ll have in a similar situation in the future.

Sure, you might not think so kindly of that bitch who talked behind your back in high school, but did you learn a good lesson from it?  Chances are you did.  And if that’s the case, is it really something to be so bitter about?